08.17.2001 - 3:45 pm

Last night I got home at almost 3 am. I put on Apollo by Brian Eno and fell asleep beore the second "song" ended. My sleep was heavy, and though I don't remember the dreams, there were lots of them. I remember a particular disturbing moment where riot police started shooting college students at some sort of event. Everyone paniced and ran and jumped into this river. I also had a dream where it rained. It seemed like real life; it wasn't one of those dreams where i knew it was a dream. I remember being overjoyed that it finally rained, and I remember being so happy. When I woke up I was sad. Just a dream, no real rain. Later in the day I started thinking, "why is this making me sad?" When it hapened it felt real, it felt like a real experience. Now, it feels like a real memory. It's like I trained myself that when I dream something, something nice, and it's not real, that I must be sad. Why can't pleasant dreams be treated like good memories rather than unfulfilled fantasys. Is the memory of a real experience any more real in memory form than a dream in memory form?

08.16.2001 - 12:00 pm

Not to sound too materialistic, but, I GOT A SLOWDIVE T-SHIRT. After loving a band for about ten years it nice's to get the t-shirt. I mean, I'm not much for rock band t-shirts... I have a few. Slowdive shirts are tough to fan, and this is arguably my favorite band of all time. i just feel like a giddy kid.

08.15.2001 - 12:00 pm

I'm a busy little bee. I'm getting a lot done, and I feel like a musical success. I kind of let the music go into overdrive when J-Me moved to portland. I was hoping that rock bands and a busy musical life would trample lonliness. Besides, my bandmates are my best friends in this city. The plan was not as effective as I anticipated. So much is happening that I find it hard to be really excited about any one thing. When a long day ends, and the people leave the studio, or I drive home, the feeling of comfort from the music quickly fades. Perhaps this is normal. I've always been strangely happy. I fear though, that what what I call happy in a general malaise of contentness, not real, pure happiness. Maybe my moods are more like a normal person's right now.

08.13.2001 - 1:55 pm

As I was walking to lunch, i thought of a nice little one line entry. I ate some cheap chinese food that made me feel icky, and I forgot what I wanted to say. I feel malnourished occationally. I don't know if I actually AM, or if that's just how feelings have been manifesting themselves. Last night I was at a friend's really late. They offered me the option to sleep on the couch, which I took because it's a comfy couch, and I was zonked and didn't feel like driving home. While laying down, watching TV, hoping to fall asleep, one of thir cats jumped up and layed down in front of my chest. I got to pet the kitty for a long time, rub its belly, etc. It was so simple and it was so nice, and it made me both happy and lonely. All this talk reminds me that I need to build a loft in my bedroom to make it a real bedroom and not a glorified closet.

08.10.2001 - 3:55 pm

I need some rain. I'm not a depressed guy. Though I've not been all sunshine as of late. While the weather in the Bay Area is gorgeous, it can be a little monolithic. I need more dynamics. It gets cloudy out here, and it gets foggy out here. I can't remember the last time we've had a good downpour. I miss falling asleep with the patter of rain on the roof or window. I miss the howling winds. I have friends in Portland and London and, of course, in Indiana. So send me a little precipitation, will ya!?!?

08.09.2001 - 1:00 pm

A perfectly tempuratured overcast morning is no help. I'm not usually this close in resembleance to a see-saw. I wish I knew how i worked a litle better. I've been writing songs at a decent rate. However, I'm almost embarassed by them; they're so mellodramatic. I wonder how they'll sound recorded? I've not really had time to play them much after writing due to my schedule. Tomorrow, though, I have the night off. I have one song, written in May, called Audiophile that I find myself playing at home over and over. Hopefully I can give it the emotion it deserves when it comes to playing in front of other people. I need to play some solo shows. Maybe I can hit up a few open stages.

08.06.2001 - 10:45 am

It's been one of those weekends where on Monday morning you don't quite remember Friday night. What happened? Actually, Friday night was the photo show. There was a nice picture of fat bob. I'm usually fine with magazine tear outs, or usually nothing. Big, empty, white walls with maybe one or two small decorations are fine. However, a nice framed, matted picture of a musical hero of mine take by a person I know appeals to my over 25 sensibilities. Those are the same sensibilities that I spend half the time denying of trying to shrug off. Saturday I woke up and it was go, go, go. The maximum R&B mod-pop band The Paramours recorded at my place. Afterward we did the requisite eating. After a small but nice lull I headed out to SF for New Wave City. I've gone to that club once before, and while I didn't hate it, it did make me pretty miserable. I wasn't much for dancing, the music was blaring, I couldn't see anybody, I could have any kind of meaningful conversation. It was just awful. Since then I've realized I don't mind the occasional dancing, and Jaime's really good friend Jen (who's not a London resident) was in town, and I'd not seen her, nor any of the other people involved in that scene, for a long time. I figured I'd give it another shot. It was neat seeing everyone, but my conversation skills haven't improved. I can understand how Jaime felt when she lived in Indy. I mean, all those people are great people, but my history with them only goes back 11 months. They're a very tightly woven group, so half the conversation flys right by me as I don't have the reference point. Plus, I can't hear half of it due to the music. Dancing was fun, but i still feel weird dancing to 100% electronic stuff, so i didn't. I guess Cars by Gary Neuman was the most electro that I got. At the end of the night, I had mixed feelings. Part of me had a lot of fun, but I also feel like I made an ass of myself a couple times accidentally. Since I was inducted into this group of friends, so to speak, I feel very self conscious, like I have an honorary degree from a university, then I get shoved into a panel forum w/ people with REAL degrees. When I left, I found I had a parking ticket because I didn't read the parking sign 30 feet back. Between admission, coat check, and parking ticket, it was a $42 dollar night. I found my way home and I found my way to my mat on the floor. Sunday morning I spent checking e-mail and just generally waking up. The Librarians rocked a bit for our upcoming shows, then I went to Chris and Lela's for the birthday party. Bowling was in order, so I introduced the group to manor bowl in San Leandro (where I spent new years). The place was EMPTY, which to me was GREAT! It took awhile, but my bowling knack kicked in, I got three strikes in a row, and ended up with 148, obliterating everyone. Of course, everyone else was being much more playful. Chris had the best technique. He'd palm the ball, get about 10 feet back from where the wood even begins, and just jolt forward, heaving the ball with a ton of spin, and sliding on his knees about 5 feet down the lane. Impressive. After this was dinner, cake, and sitting around. Then home and bed. Woo! This is way too long. I don't know why I'm compelled to tell all this with such minutiae. Perhaps it's just a record for myself. Maybe it's to see if on paper, it looks like I'm as busy as it feels like I am. This next week is super busy, two practices, two shows, helping a friend move, recording session, and some other stuff I can't remember right now. Here's to hoping I don't burn out and go insane.

07.24.2001 - 11:00 am

The mornings have been very overcast here. I wake up, and it's grey, and the is fog in the hills. I ride my bike to BART, and go to work. By the time I leave work, the fog and clouds have burnt off and the sky is clear. This is really the opposite of how I'd like it. I'd like it to be clear in the mornings, and get overcast during the day, and cloudy and cool when I get off work. I like the morning sun better that the evening sun, and I like the greyness to transition into the dark. I'd also like it to be a bit more misty. The grey day today is making me really contemplative. I'm thinking of Indiana; of spending time in parks in my high school years; of the small, almost dead towns that stretch along highway 40, with their town squares, greasy cafes, and posters in the windows advertising the high schol girl's volleyball team schedule; of summer thunderstorms knocking off branches and flooding the streets. I don't know why overcast days appeal to me so much, or why it's a trgger for me to enter a daydreaming-about-the-past state of mind. It's comfortable, warming, accepting, yet sad. I don't realize how much I miss things about my past until days like this, but I remember how good the past was, at least for me. A two headed coin, definitely.

07.23.2001 - 2:36 am

Tired. Why I'm still up and futzing around on the web, I dunno, but I am, and I also don't feel like going to bed. Tonight, I saw one of J-Me's favorite bands, Babyland. She's loved them for longer than I've known her, and has always been nutty about them. She played me their albums and I dung 'em, but they never really hit me hard. So yesterday or the day before, Conan, a bandmate, mentions that Babyland is playing at Gilman on Saturday. This suprised me because they're fome LA, and they're playing with Replicator in a month here in SF; two close shows far from their home. So I went out to the show, and GOD DAMN... I now understand all the hooplah. I jumped around and tried to not get beat up by the crazy Gilman crowd. It'll be fun to play with them in a month. In other news, I'm employing the "diversion" tactic to emotions. Most of the time it works. Feeling blue? Here's my guitar! He're my recording gear. Here's band practice. Here's a recording session. Here's my drums. Here's the world wide internet! Here's Hansi's new dreamcast! Sometime, though, I realize I'm cheating, and I can't just re-direct my mind and keep dealing with things one drop at a time. I don't really know what other way to go about it, though. The "Bed and Slowdive" therapy is always a good choice as well. I'm sure the "Rickenbacker into Fender Amp" system would be great, too, but my Ric is in the case, which is in the guitar loft in the practice room. I keep reminding myself to get it down every day, and I keep forgetting. I have lots of little things to say, but I don't think any words of wisdom will pop out. I was thinking about "selling out" today. What makes a band a sellout, etc. I can't find a line. If you're in a band and music/songwriting is a skill, what's wrong with selling that skill. I work a computer job, I have computer skills, and I can design artful web pages and write elegant code. I sell my time and skill, and my bosses profit off this. Maybe it's the artistry involved in music; integrity to the art. But I know good, artistic graphic designers who are happy with the work they do for clients, are they sellout for selling their artistic ability? The only conclusion I came to in my head is that major label are big business, they're more interested in commerce through entertainment than distribution of art. Indie label make money, some make lots, but the mission statement for those label probably includes something about vision and artistry, not moving units and filling demographic slots. Still, if a big company wanted to give me money to make music to make money for them and didn't tell me what to play, how is that different from a big company giving me money to make websites to make money for them. I don't know the answer. I think it's bed/slowdive time. Nighty.

07.16.2001 - 11:45 am

A week ago today I took a flight home from Portland. it was a long day. I woke up at 4:45, dressed, drove to the airport, dropped off my rental, got on a plane, flew to oakland, got to my car, and drove straight to work, where I worked a short day, then left work and went to band practice. I slept really well that night. Sleep since then has not been so easy. I find myself reading or just lying there with music playing. I have this philosophy. That's too strong a word. I have this understanding with reality. You see, me and reality, we're pretty good buddies, and even though reality may be an asshole sometimes, I know that's just who he is, and it's better that he's a friend than a foe. Anyway we have this understanding which is as follows: anything in my life I choose to begin I also realize that it's going to end, and if I don't think I can deal with that, I shouldn't start it in the first place. Reality is not like a human. Reality is more like a repltile; cold blooded and slippery, and definitely not good for cuddling. You cut deals with reality, he's like a mob boss. He never talks to the siren known as fantasy. In fact, he keeps her behind glass so we can only observe, but not interact. I have no real problem with this, though. I comply, be it happily or begrudgingly.

07.03.2001 - 1:22 pm

Busy, but a good busy. The Chicago trip was predominiantly fun. Indy was great. Chicago was actually pretty fun, too. I got to get up close and personal with some of the musicians I respect the most, and I got to see the best recording studio in the world. Well, it has very nice gear, and is an amazing environment. Upon re-arrival the Librarians ot back to practicing, and we had a useless show in the 'burbs. I had fun, but it dod not really further the band. On Sunday I did more or less finish the Guitar vs. Gravity full length. I recorded drums on two songs, and mixed three, though the master mix got chewed on one of the songs. I have to remix, sequence, and burn a few CDs. then I'll listen in a variety of places and see if anything needs remixing, remastering, etc. This weekend I'm off to portland for a few days of fun with J-Me. Zaniness shall ensue, I presume.

06.20.2001 - 11:50 am

The network is down here at work. Not much to do except write and abuse my Visor and hope the network comes up before the end of the day. I'm leaving to go to Chicago and Indy this weekend. Replicator, the band in which I play bass, is playing shows in both locations. I've never been a huge fan of Chicago, but I've always like playing shows there. I've never really liked going to shows there, so while I like the bands playing at the shows we're seeing, I'm not filled with exuberance. Actually, I'm much more excited about seeing my family and old friends in Indy. I'm excited to play the Melody Inn, a club that I've played many times before, and it's always fun. I get to stay with my mom, see my grandma, my dad, go to my favorite restaurants and stores; it all just seems nice. I never really appriciated my family while I was in Indiana. They were just always around. Now since I get back to indy maybe once every three to four months at most, I get to missing them more, and I wonder how their day to day life is going. Same with my friends. I wonder what indy is like on a day to day basis now? I wonder if there's a house people tend to hang out at? I wonder what Portland is like when it's not a vacation? I wonder how my dad is settling into his new house?

06.16.2001 - 2:40 pm

Hectic. Things are hectic. This forum is an overview, and a sounding board for me, or when I want to talk something out. If you're my pal, and want to real, great. I never like to get too personal, though. I'm always an outgoing person, but there are parts of me that I don't touch on too often here because I feel they're too private or just shouldn't be brought up. Recently, there's been a lot of that going on, so there's no generalities to talk about. No real nonsense. The bands have been doing great, and I get to go to Indiana and see my friends this weekend. Reecently, my mind hasn't been staying on one topic for long enough to keep a cohesive thought, except for when I'm recording, or tracing circuts and writing schematics. That, though, is basicall putting my mind on something else. Best wishes.

05.17.2001 - 1:15 am

It's been almost two months. Now normally in journal-land, this would be just an average absence. This time, however, the dynamics are pretty noteable. J-Me moved to Portland, as planned, around April fools day. I got laid off. I did computer shit for an add agency. I did development, that's what my card said, but really I did just a little of everything. I participated in the business world and hence got the business treatment when the market sinks, and companies are racing to cut overhead. I got a boot to the ass and two weeks pay.

03.25.2001 - 2:01 am

I don't know what makes me write this journal, or why I feel bad when I don't write in it. I never have the desire to share my more intense feelings, but I want it to be better and more interesting than mundane life. Well, my life has two states right now, mundane, and emotionally intense. Mid month I had my birthday. It was an odd one. I went back to the ol' hometown. It was very comforting and took me into it's arms. All my old friends are still great people, and they've all got their quirks which I love. I saw family, stayed up late, went out, went to a show and hell, even played a show at a party. Andrew and Eric and Matt Chandler and Dave all played along, and it went so smoothly and effortlessly, unlike my playing out here, which seemes so forced sometimes. The town has it's bad sides, but it has it's good sides. I felt much more creative there than I do here in SF. Maybe my old friends just inspired me, maybe it was the feeling of getting away. maybe it's because there I know if I wanted I could get a stress free job, a house, have a studio, and live life. In the scene there, people know and love me, but the scene is tiny. Maybe it's the uniqueness I feel out there? Out here I'm just another mid twenties schmuck playing indie rock. It's weird, I DO feel pretty validated. Everyone I've played music with out here digs me. The first guy I played guitar with was really impressed, but we didn't work well together. The first band I tried out on drums for wanted me before they went on hiatus. I'm a musician for the indie rock musician. I just wonder how my songwriting is? I feel like I'm getting better. I definitely know and understand why people in their 20s, mid 20s, start to fade from music. It just seems like more effort, and the abondon in the energy gets harder to muster. I'm fighting it. I feel like not only is it an effort to play and create in a group environment, but it's an effort to keep the effort up. Remember in Blade Runner when Roy can feel himself dying, and his hand starts to close, so he pushes the nail through his hand to presumeably keep it aware of itself, to not go dead on him? I feel like I'm doing that sometimes, that I'm to the point of drastic, maybe destructive, measures to keep me focused on my goal. Maybe moving to SF was part of that drive process. My goal, however, is something that eludes me. I want to be happy, live a happy fulfilling life. Fulfillment does not come from complacency. Fulfillment comes from succeeding in challenges. In Indy, I made challenges for myself, little ones, and I fulfilled them. I was happy, and that came from the comfort of an easy life, and the constant string of small acheivements. Out in SF, the balance is VERY different. While I'm comfortable in many respects, there are BIG challenges, and little comfort in the way of familiarity. Out here I have the future, and I have many goals, and very few have been realized. It really makes me unsure. What do I want to do with my life? What excites me? Music, audio technology, preferably archaic, recording, a little computers, a little design. Passing the halfway point of my 20s made me stop. I'm not excited enough about computers to want to keep up with how they're advancing. In my computer jobs, I've trailed behind in tech savvy, about a year behind the leaders. I like doing work, and i like knowing that I can do a good job. I want to combine that with what I love in life, but I don't know how. My job is still a job, and I keep it to pay the bills and have a good standard of living. I feel like I should seriously start steering my life towards a career based on what I'm passionate about. The tricky word is career. Money. I've never been good at charging people for stuff. I've never been good at convincing people they need what I have, or can do for them. I can produce and engineer music really well. I could make a nice amp. But I do these things because I'd rather do things myself than have to rely on other people. Plus I feel closer to the end resutly when I'm involved in the creation process. Selling a service or a product to someone is weird becasue by learning the trade makes me realze that anyone can learn the trade, which make the products of the trade seem less valuable, and selling my skills would seem to invalidate my reason for attaining them. It's late, I'm meandering. I'm a lonely boy with lots on his mind who needs sleep. I'm talking to anyone who'll listen until I start to fall asleep. I've been doing that too much recently.

03.01.2001 - 2:37 pm

It's March. I don't care how long those winter months seem to go by, how much you wish is wasn't mid january, or whatever. When March hit it always seems to shock you. Holy shit, it's March, how the hell did that happen. Remember January and February? Yeah. Didn't those seem to go on forever? Yeah. Well, they ended. But... it's MARCH! Maybe it's just becasue my birthday is in March? But the te,mperatures will start going up. I was looking on the weather channel yesterday at the averages and records section. The average high teperature in the coldest months, December and January, is 56. The average high in the hottest month, September, is 71. This is my kind of place. I need a permanent solution to combat the afternoon sleepiness.

02.23.2001 - 12:05 pm

So I got home from band practice last night, and after checking my mail I want to play guitar. After playing guitar for over 11 years you'd think I'd play it more around the house, but no, rarely do I ever sit down with the intent of playing some music. So I start noodling. After a bit I start playing one of my songs, and it hit me, I've not played these songs in forever. So for about two hours I ran over my songs, playing, singing, learning others, re-learning, figuring out some covers, etc. It was very cleansing, fun, and refreshing. I should do that more often. I feel like everyone is hiding today. The mailing lists are dead, I've heard from hardly anyone, not to many people are on AIM or ICQ. It's kinda creepy, did someone bomb Indiana? Southern California?

02.22.2001 - 5:15 pm

The Red House Painters are quite the conundrum. When one is feeling a little down they seem like a great thing to listen to, but once one begins the listening one realizes that perhaps this is the last music one should be listening to when feeling a little down. I build a tinkertoy Eiffel tower. I loved my tinkertoys! Anyway, my tinkertoy tower got a big part of the top taken off, and I need to rebuild it. I'm not sure if I have enought tinkertoys left to complete the new top. What do I do first, build as high as I can until I run out or wait 'til I know if I have or have gotten all the parts? I've never been a regretful person, and still I have none I can think of off the top of my head. I've never been an unhappy person, nor a scared person, though I have periods of both. I do think about the meaningless details of life, though. After reading Chaos I see the little details of life as being the reasons we do big things in our lives. The white noise of miniscule decisions really add more to the color, the sound, the picture than we imagine. Maybe I'm just the last to find out. I liked G.I. Joe and the Transformers growing up. I played with the kids in my neighborhood who liked those toys. What if I like the Thundercats and He-Man. I'd have probably played with different kids, been influenced by different people, maybe my value systems would have formed differently. It's all the "what if" questions. I'm not really asking them, but I'm trying to find the most tiny part of life that cause a huge shift or decision. If hindsight is 20/20, the picture should be clear and in focus, right? Sometimes it feels in my head like the past is as mallable and as fuzzy as the future.

02.16.2001 - 3:58 pm

It's friday afternoon and I'm very antsy. There are things I could be doing, should be doing, but I can't focus, can't concentrate, so be prepared for fun reading. Tonight is my first show with the Librarians. I'm nervous a touch, but very excited. I know if I forget a song I can just do a straight 4 beat and be done with it. I don't think I'm gonna do bad at all. Jaime has set a date for moving, Jen has done the same. My lease is up in two months and two weeks. All the strife has been making me miss the comfort of Indiana. I think I want to keep living here, but April 30 is my "chicken out" deadline. My escape chute that I probably won't use but have the option if needed. Everyone complains about Indy, but I don't think it's all that bad. Maybe I'm just looney. I'm at least going to visit Indy. I wish my boss would bring me back my request for time off so I can book the flight. Traffic has already approved the window, and I've found a flight, I just need the signature from the big man. I wish I knew somewhere in town where I could get amp parts. I got my new, beater amp to run. Now I need to fix it up, but no one has the parts that I need. I could also use a variac. Got one? I'll pay shipping. I'm wondering how I'm doing. I don't really know if I know. I'm so caught up in the details of my life that I can't see the whole thing. I just need to stop, and after a few days of doing nothing, clearing out my head, I need to see where I am, or at least where I can tell myself that I am.

02.14.2001 - 3:21 pm

Happy Valentine's Day kids. I hope all you love desires are filled. While mine may not be, I did have a few interesting things happen to me today. A net friend that I knew long, long ago e-mail me. I hadn't heard from her in maybe 4-5 years easily. So after I write back I do what any net person would do; a shearch on her name. I don't find out anything more about my lost friend, but I find her mentioned on a couple other pages. So I surf around. Now many of you know this, but just to make the story clear let me tell you that Jaime and many of her friends used to be fairly big into the goth scene. So was this old friend of mine. In my searh I run across some old picture of people I now know in San Francisco. A friend of Jaime and an acquaintence of mine here takes a lot of pictures, and he posts a lot of them. It really messes with my head seeing all these people before I knew them; how they looked, how they dressed, how they acted at a certain moment where I may have been playing a show with Sunflower Conspiracy in Indiana or working in a basement at IUPUI. My two best friends from here are moving soon. Seeing their pictures from before I knew them, and all the people I met through them really is affecting me. I dwell on how much past I missed, and how they'll be gone in the future, and I only occupied such a brief period. It really makes me wonder what the hell I'm going to do. Sorry to complain, it's just on my mind.

02.13.2001 - 4:26 pm

My mom should be home by now. I had to wake up at 4:15 to get her to the airport this morning. Consequently, I've been in a pretty big daze all day. She visited this past weekend. We ate and ate and hung out and ate. It rained and rained, so we didn't get to go on many adventures. There was one big adventure though. Cartographer played our first show. It was at a DIY fest at this community space called the Cell Space. Very cool place. My mom attended, so I think that was her adventure. I think we played fairly well, not bad by any means, but there were enough little off bits that I know it's not the best we could have played. I had a blast though. My main complaint was that everyone was so far away. The room was huge, and the seats wereso far. Boo Hoo. Oh well. Jaime is in the process of labor troubles. She got coerced to resign against her will. She already had put in notice to quit, and was planning on doing so, finding temporary work, and moving to portland when the lease is up. I never announced this or wrote about it in the journal, but Jaime and I split up. I'm sure most everyone reading this knows this by now. We're getting along about the same as we were when we were dating, and we're still sharing the same pad, which is fine with me. It actually really sad to think of her moving to Portland as she's my best friend here in San Francisco. I wish her smiles and happiness and good luck for all that she does, though. This puts me in an odd situation, as I have no solid friends here once she moves. I have a feeling that the librarians and Dan, Cartographer drummer, will become better friends, but I don't want to put too much weight on strong bonds forming. I don't want to force anything. I'm pretty much on a day to day shedule with any long term plans in my Visor. the April Low shows are my furthest plans. Shows and meetings, that's what's in my datebook. Speaking of dates, how do I do THAT? I can hardly get a clear idea across to my friends (unless I'm talking music or amps), let alone meet new people, especially girls. I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm eccentric, not really becasue I try, but just because I have poor communication skills (I wish I could really, neutrally see how I come off to strangers). Something to work on, I guess.

01.25.2001 - 12:40 pm

This weekend looks like a fun time. After work friday Jaime and I drive down to the airport and leave my car at a friend's house in South San Fran. We pick up a rental car from Budget and drive down to Orange County. We see Shellac on Saturday night, Sunday day and night. Then we drive home Monday day. Nice little road trip, but I'm not looking forward to the night driving. I joind a band playing drums. It a simple pop band, lots of energy, and very smart assed lyrics. I'm having a lot of fun and getting to hit the drums nice and hard. The name of the band; the Librarians. GvsG is coming along. I still haven't made it into a studio to track the drums. I'm doing a lot of interludes and planning my "second" release, which will be primarily more ambient and background music. I still need a name for the first album. Any suggestions? My Sovtek is a little harder to fix than I imagined. The pots soldered to the board aren't that big, so normal pots won't fit in. I've been thinking about finding an old, poor quality 60s amp and refitting it with quality parts to turn it into a fender deluxe. I'm getting the amp jones again. Cartographer is have scheduling conflicts and sicknesses. Still, I think and hope that everything is on schedule. I have a lot I want to do, but haven't made the time to do it yet.

01.10.2001 - 12:53 am

Guitar vs. Gravity is heavy on my mind. Really I meant no pun. I'm trying to get this full length out. I've been "working" on it since July of '99. I just started recording stuff by myself to experiment with gear or complete an idea that didn't work for a current band. I started to really like some of this material. That next winter I realized that I was ammasing a fair amount of songs and I should just release an ambum. Throw a move across the country in the mix, lots of other band practices, life with a girlfriend, and various other things in the mix and next thing I know it's a year an a half later. Everything is turning out great, though, and if all goes well it should be out around my birthday.

01.04.2001 - 5:30 pm

Would you rather know nothing and know it, or would you rather know everything but not know that you're wrong?

01.03.2001 - 2:45 pm

Too many clove cigarettes make Ben a dizzy boy. Emode is keeping me company at this slow day at work. And a tasty egg salad sandwich for lunch is backfiring, I think. I have a large desire to rock. It's been five months since my last show. An element of life is missing. Soon enough, though... soon enough.